Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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