Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Life is so much better after having sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
