How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
