Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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