ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
