Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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