Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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