There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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