Duck Duck Cougar?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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