pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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