The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
