just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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