you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
