Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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