And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
