when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize