So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize