i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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