Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
