May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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