I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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