I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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