the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
