it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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