Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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