how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
this hospital has no fireball
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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