I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
