I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
