DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
