watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
