cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
