waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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