My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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