I should be sponsored by Trojan
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
