The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
