Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
