It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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