I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
