So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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