Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
