things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
