she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
