Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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