sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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