is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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