How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
