I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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