Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
