Cold hands, warm shart.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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