Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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