she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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