Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
