his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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