Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
