I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
