the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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