why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
