Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
