I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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