ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
