i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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